I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
As shirtless as possible
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
