Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
