The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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