Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
