well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
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Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
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Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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