Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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