My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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