I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
