Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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