I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
