If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
