is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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