Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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