And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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