Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
