it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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