i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
