she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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