im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
