Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
