There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
