I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
