i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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