before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
