so explain again why im purple
no
I cockslap morals
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
