i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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