one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
