her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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