I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
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Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
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he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.