So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
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Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
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Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.