Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.