i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?