dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.