Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
They should really pass out barf bags in church
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
