you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
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She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
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if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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