You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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