Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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