Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
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I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
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He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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