Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
