I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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