The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
