I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
