He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
