Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You ruined the universe
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
