I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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