I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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