you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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