highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
