Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
