FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
