you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
