Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
