I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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