a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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