I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
