He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i think im in europe. pls send help
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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