I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
