i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
