You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
