I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
