he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
