He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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