Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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