Nicole vs. Life
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
