he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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