I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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