I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
