He disabled his match.com account in front of me
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
