I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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