You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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