I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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