Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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