He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
