no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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