if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
