Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
