Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
