just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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