Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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