im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize