and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I want to fling myself into the sun
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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