So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
