Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
we're so committed to being not committed
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
