My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
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Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
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Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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