I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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