just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
