omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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