I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
