K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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