You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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